This is the conversation that I had with my bigger brother, Santhosh that made a lasting impression on me,
this happened few years back when my brother had just bought a pair of woodland shoes worth 2000/-
and I was bit unfomfortable seeing him paying so much for a shoe then …
and It led to following conversation
Me: “Anna, don’t you think 2000 is too huge a sum to pay for a shoe ?”
Anna: “No, this is from woodland. Its quality is good”
Me: “But, still I would have taken a 1000 RS shoe and would have done something else with the other part ..”
Anna: “..Like ?”
Me: ” … Hamm … Donating to cry or such organization or ….”
Anna: “Wait! … Why do you want to do that ?”
Me: “well…We need to help the needy, alwa ?”
Anna: “hmmm …. What will you get out of doing it ?”
Me: “what will I get ? Nothing … Actually I loose 1000 Rs ..”
Anna: “No, you get happiness out of doing that .. alwa ?”
Me: “hmmmm….. May be ..”
Anna: “what may be ? .. think over it. You would not have done if you have not got happiness ..”
Me: “Hmmmm…..May be true. But… We are doing good for others .. And doing a sacrifice ..”
Anna: “..Do whatever, you are just buying happiness for yourself … And anything you do for yourself is selfishness !!!”
Me: “Selfishness ???”
Anna: “Yes, but only means of satisfying ourselves are different, that’s it .. ”
Anna: ” my means of happiness is a 2000 Rs shoe and yours is donating the same amount to some one ..”
Anna: ” if you see the end result in mind, in both cases ..Just that means of achieving them are different .. Ha ha”
Anna: “get this that ultimately both are selfishness !!!”
… And I was dumbfounded ….
And I got it ….
I got that both actions(my brothers and mine) are out of pure selfishness …
and are to satisfy the EGO … just the means are different …
and any act that springs to satisfy the EGO … irrespective of end result/actions taken ..is an act to boast itself(EGO) at various levels … and nothing else 🙁
.. and I am waiting for the day when my actions are not just to satisfy the self/Ego …
but till then struggle continues ..
